Eliana and Angelina
My 13-year-old daughter Eliana, is going to Rwanda on Monday. After years of hesitating to take her on Vitamin Angels’ trips, because of health and safety concerns she is going to a country that was witness to one of the largest genocides in recent history. She’s excited, my wife and I are a little nervous and our family and friends are incredulous as in ‘You’re sending her where?!’ It is all Angelina Jolie’s fault, but I’ll get to that later.
Yesterday at the pretrip meeting, all of the parents were comparing notes. Most agreed that even mentioning Rwanda is a conversation stopper. Earlier in the day while calling AAA to get Ellie medical traveler insurance, I mentioned her trip’s destination and the line went silent.
Have you ever allowed your child to go to a dangerous place? What was that like for you and for them? Has your child ever gone to a developing country to do service?
| July 14th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Though I cannot answer your questions I would still like to make a comment. I believe you are doing an absolute wonderful thing. Regardless of the opinions of others regarding the possible dangers. You are taking all the steps necessary to protect your child and that is very commendable.
I’d also like to add how incredibly important it is for our children, who have substantially more opportunities than that of the majority of the world, see how the true world is. How harsh and unrelenting it can be. To see that with time, patience, and love even at 13 she CAN make a difference.
Congratulations on making this choice. In the long run I know your daughter will be the better for it and will not take for granted all she has. Even when she faces teenage struggles and that which life may send her way, deep down she’ll remember.
Best of luck to you all and prayers for a safe journey!
| July 14th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Thanks, Howard! I appreciate both your care and your courage.
And Tamyra, I agree with you..
Howard, as we’ve spoken about, when I was 15 years old my parents allowed me to go to Guatemala on a service trip. It was an eye-opening, life-changing trip for me. I could never see the world the same narrow way again.
And it was there, as a teen, that I decided to do whatever it would take to become a doctor and to make a difference for the health of the kids of the world.
When my oldest son turned 15, my first thought was, “What were my parents thinking?!? How could they have let me go to an unstable country at that age?” But then I realized how profoundly grateful I am for their courage, generosity, and wisdom.
I’m also grateful that I’ve now been able to help each of my kids have a real experience in another culture. It’s broadened and matured them, like it had me.
I’m very much looking forward to your postings, Howard. You’ve been with so many people in so many villages in so many countries around this planet, doing so much good. I eagerly await your insights and questions.
And thanks for all you do with Vitamin Angels. Our trip with you to the Dominican Republic this year was powerful indeed.
| July 14th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Wow! What an amazing thing you’re doing for your daughter! I’ve always longed to do service work like that, but timing has never been on my side. I did however do some international travel when I was Eliana’s age. My class and I went on a 3-week adventure to Japan — hardly third world. It was INCREDIBLE though. The interactions you have without language can be so meaningful. Not to mention learning about the different cultures abroad!
So THIS line isn’t silent when you talk about your daughter’s travel. The combination of giving and learning sounds spectacular and I hope she enjoys her time there to the fullest.
Best Wishes,
Claire
| July 15th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Over the weekend I sat with my husband watching two helicopters filling their water buckets, flying to a nearby mountain and dumping the water buckets onto the smoke of a forest fire that had been burning since early morning.
Through it all my breath would catch as the smoke intensified. My son was one of the firefighters on the ground of that fire - those two helicopters were his and his fellow comrades life line. They were providing the only water that was available.
Today there is a new fire, and my son who is first up this week which means his team is the first ones called out in the event of a fire.
Although he is not going off to a developing country he is going to a dangerous place. I am so very proud of my son, even though my heart stops each and every call he goes out on. I hold my breath waiting for word that everything is ok, and breath a great sigh of relief when it is. Firefighting (forest not structural) is something my son loves to do, and I would not dream of stopping him. Yes it has changed him - only in good ways though.
I commend you for allowing your daughter to go to Rwanda to do something she obviously feels a drive to do. This parenting business is tough work, especially when we have to hold our breath and let our children fly with what is in their hearts. We can only hope the lessons we have taught them through their younger years will remain with them. Allowing our children to do service, even when we have to hold our breaths is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
Them wanting to do the service in the first place is a great testimony to our parenting.
| July 16th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Tamyra - I keep struggling with this question; How do you prepare a safe nest for your children and still know when it is time to let them fly? I also did see with my son that taking a year off after high school, working on a sea turtle project and living with a poor Costa Rican family, changed him forever. He came back completely disengaged from the popular culture and hasn’t re-entered since.
Claire - Many people say that traveling is one of the most impactful experiences in their lives. I notice with my friends from Europe that traveling is much more integrated into their lives; a trip to S. Africa or India or Morocco isn’t that big of a deal. With my middle daughter, we are now working with AFS to have her spend her junior year in high school and live with an Italian family in Perugia. And it is one of the hardest things I can ever imagine doing (letting her go). I’ve often thought that Vitamin Angels is just a conduit to connect the people with the greatest resources to the children with the greatest need and the fewest resources and that if people could just meet these kids, they would want to help.
Beverly, We have been in fire world recently too (Santa Barbara - the Gap fire), so my heart goes out to you. We know kids who are on the front lines in Big Sur and living in a high fire danger area (the top of a box canyon) - we love and respect firefighters. I am empathetic with you waiting for the ‘everything is all right’ call. Parenting is the hardest job I can ever imagine.
The phone rang on Saturday and one of the other parent’s let me know that all was well in Rwanda and there was a number I could call! I could barely wait to tell Ellie’s siblings and my wife. Hearing Eliana’s voice even through a mediocre connection on Skype was heaven. I immediately knew that she was seeing the world in an entirely new way. She talked about children coming out of ‘nowhere’ yelling out ‘mzungu’ (white person) and then running alongside their bikes for many kilometers from village to village. Her voice was ecstatic as she described seeing giraffes, hippos, zebras and baboons (so many they are like squirrels in this country). The toughest thing is not getting to experience this with her. I always have that when I travel too - seeing a temple or having children in a village come and play with me, and just wanting to share it with the people I love the most - my family. How do you spend years building such a close bond and then be prepared in any way to watch them go off into the world?!